As many of you will know I have a deep interest in the psychological aspect of BDSM, as not only am I a Prodomina but I am also a qualified psychotherapist.
It is my belief, that I am at my best when I am able to get into the minds of my submissives, and truly understand their fetishes and kinks, and achieve a higher level of relational depth.
Recently, I have conducted many sessions with submissives who were attracted to my ‘beyond the session’ service, to discuss the psychological aspects of BDSM, which led me to write this blog.
I often get submissives asking me, ‘is this normal’ or am I normal ? My answer is always the same, what’s normal ? Who decides what’s normal ? Normal is not even a word I am comfortable with !
As the saying goes, ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’. To my mind we are all beautifully unique, and even two submissives with the same kink on paper may experience and express that kink very differently.
There is no doubt that to those outside of the wonderful world of BDSM that what we practice can often carry a social stigma.
Moreso, there are often links and reference made to low wellbeing, and mental health issues such as maladjustment and the acting out of past history of abuse, in those that enjoy the practice of BDSM.
Although research evidence into the area of BDSM is limited, the evidence available contradicts this common misconception with a recent study on the psychological profile of BDSM practitioners proclaiming that ‘S & M practitioners are healthier and less neurotic than those with tamer sex lives’.
It is also important to note that the mental health professionals only consider BDSM as a sexual disorder if it causing the person significant distress or if it is non consensual.
So what drives us to this ‘socially unacceptable’ form of play, even if it is beneficial for our wellbeing ?
We are all familiar with the debate that exists around who is truly in control between the dominant and the submissive. I myself have explored the paradox both professionally and personally that there can be submission within dominance and equally dominance within submission.
Can it be explained by science ? Humans and mammals both posses ‘Subortical Circuits’ for sexual dominance and submission. Both types of circuits are connected to the brains pleasure centre
However, men in particular are both biologically and socially programmed to be dominant, so what is it about Submission that appeals to them ?
Why do submissive males enjoy watching porn which features a male being degraded or humiliated ?
According to the scientific answer they are getting in touch with their female submissive circuitry which is wired to the brains reward centre.
From a psychological aspect, the feeling of being out of control is closely related to anxiety, not often a coveted emotion. So what makes this thrilling rather than threatening in a BDSM relationship or scenario ?
BDSM is often described as a power exchange, where the pressure is more often on the domme than the sub, due to trust in the relationship and the use of a safe word. It is the job of the domme to take their sub to their limits, whilst remaining calm and in control and mindful of hard limits.
This can be a very liberating experience for a sub, especially those who occupy alphamale positions within their vanilla world, both socially and professionally, to provide an experience that offers psycological relief, and or sexual fulfilment. Almost like an ‘Alpha holiday’.
In that session they experience a respite from always being in control, however due to the trust and respect that exists with their domme and their relationship, there is a lack of loosing complete control that may cross over into a feeling of anxiety.
Interestingly, BDSM unlike other sexual practices is not engineered towards inducing orgasm, it’s about taking care of a non sexual need, that cannot be fulfilled in other ways. It could be said that it’s a case of having your erotic fantasy cake and eating it, and who doesn’t like Cake ?
Miss A 💋